So, oddly enough, I was just thinking about this blog. As of today, it has been one month and three days since the last update, and that was because...well, because I didn't exactly have anything to write about. That's not to say I haven't been busy; my life has been one constant stream of interesting (not that I'm going to tell any of you about it, mind your own damn business). What I mean is, every time I sat down to write something for this blog--at least three times that I can think of--I realized that the topic was just too personal, too unfocused, too much inspired by the lonely, squabbling complaints of my heart (no, don't complain, I'm still not going to tell you about my life). But then, a few days ago, I actually had a legitimate topic to write about.
And then I didn't write it.
Why? I dunno. Jesus, seriously, stop complaining, I'm here now, aren't I?
Anyway, a few days ago I sat down to a seemingly routine movie night with a few of my friends. I had assumed that the movie night would be a safe place to spend my somewhat-waking-hours, seeing as the past few movies featured had been the TV movie A Wrinkle in Time (don't know about that one, I slept through it), the Japanese cartoon flick Castle in the Sky (...I may have also slept through parts of this one, but most of it was dominated by a discussion about the most horrifying pokemon EVER and also Super Mario Brothers), and well, um...I honestly do not remember any of the other movies we've watched (I'm starting to sense a sleeping pattern here).
But this one, my friends, oh they failed me. I was picked up at some time or other, right around when the sun was setting or starting to set or maybe not. (I wear a watch, but who actually looks at their watch? That's what phones are for.) And we drove, and my friend and I talked about random this and random that. Nothing big, but we bantered for a bit and listened to his hipster music. The only thing important about my transportation story: I did not drive myself; THERE WAS NO ESCAPE.
By the time we arrived, we were a little late (we had paused to walk my dog before leaving), and they had already started watching...THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (cue ominous wind howling in the background with sketchy, far off bumping and scratching noises).
It may be useful to point out that I have zero tolerance for horror movies. I really do mean zero. When I went to see Cloverfield (totally serious here), that was the edge of my tolerance. It wasn't scary per say, but those few scenes with moderately scary things made my jump. When another friend of mine (who is more scared than me, by the way) convinced me to watch Paranormal Activity, the only thing that didn't actually scare me was the ending (SPOILER ALERT...nah, just kidding, I wouldn't do that to you). So it went without saying that the Blair Witch was terrifying me in all of its never-before-seen glory. The ending had been spoiled for me a long time ago, and the last five minutes still almost made me cry.
Stick with me here, I'm almost to the good part.
So we finished the Blair Witch off. Not literally, because that thing is as close to the devil as ghosts come (on a side note, if you want to movie spoiled for you, take a look at this action figure and realize that never seeing the creature is the only thing that makes it scary). And we sat there, scrolling through Netflix Instant, attempting to find something to watch. My friends seemed to be on a horror binge, so, despite my highly vocal and maybe tearful protests, we stumbled onto another one:
THE EXORCIST.
Supposedly the scariest movie of all time, released to rave/disgusted reviews, hailed by some as the beginning of a new generation of horror, The Exorcist began to play and I squeezed the life out of that poor couch cushion. And then some time passed, and 30 minutes in I was waiting to be scared. Another 30. Then another 30. Then another 30. Then another--oh wait, the movie's only 2 hours long? It's over? What?
It turned out, I was not even remotely scared by what was happening on screen. Don't get me wrong, I was enthralled; the movie was, perhaps, one of the best horror movies I have ever seen (yea, I know I have no frame of reference for that) and maybe even one of the best movies I have ever seen (I do have a frame of reference for that one: I am a dork). But it just wasn't scary. That is to say, from our 2011 perspective, the movie didn't even seem to be trying to be scary. Even my friend, who jumps at the slightest movement and thought that the font used for the title of the old Goosebumps books looks frightening just sat there watching the movie, lamenting with all of us that she was not really being scared.
So...what happened? I was more scared by Paranormal Activity than The Exorcist?
Yep, and I am forced to conclude that I am desensitized. My toe-dipping-into experience of horror only served to point out how much we are willing to put up with in our day to day lives. This trailer scares me more than the Exorcist does, and its less than two minutes long.
And think about what we actually have to be scared of. If you live in a city, you can always be mugged or raped (yay, alleyways!), which the news loves to tell us/warn us about. Big Brother is starting to watch us as that thing called the internet becomes more PATRIOT-y. Global warming, war, terrorism, car crashes, oil spills, grandfathers stung to death by dozens of wasps. It seems like the world is just out to get us sometimes, and maybe it is. And the news and the media just keep spoon feeding us those stories of everyday horror to boost up their ratings.
So when you watch a girl (ACTUAL SPOILER ALERT) spinning her head around and listen to the sinews cracking in her neck, it seems kind of justified to think, Eh, all in a day.
Is it just me, or is that thought kind of horrifying?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Last Day of...Everything/Nothing/?
I don't even know what to say (hence the return of the question mark in the title).
It seems this is the last day of high school that I'm about to go through, if you even want to call it that. I'll be done at 11, so really my last day was over a week ago, but symbolically, this is it. The moment you've all been waiting for. It's the day thirteen years in the making. Remember that day when you just wanted to be anywhere but that kindergarten room? That was thirteen years ago for us, and we are finally leaving the room (metaphorically, if you got lost there at all). The walls of the room are tumbling down, and we're finally seeing the world outside of that damn allegorical Cave.
Should I be feeling like something is...I don't know, different?
Nothing really feels all that...well, real. It's not surreal, per say, but it's more like I'm not actually sure what my emotions are. In a few days, in the post-grad party haze of the world, I probably won't be seeing about 3/4ths of my class anymore. The ones I do see will, for the most part (with some exceptions for, well, my friends) be awkward passings in the grocery store.
You know how when I started this thing, I talked about that being the first day of something? Well, if that was a start, well, this one should feel like a start too. It doesn't really. It feels like an end. Definitely an end.
Wherever you end up next year, Class of 2011, there's a good chance I'll be thinking about you at some point. I don't want to forget about a lot of you guys. This year changed me a lot, I think, and I don't want to forget the ones of you that caused that.
Good night, and good luck.
P.S. I believe there is need for a second post after I get through with the craziness that will be today. Stay tuned...maybe.
It seems this is the last day of high school that I'm about to go through, if you even want to call it that. I'll be done at 11, so really my last day was over a week ago, but symbolically, this is it. The moment you've all been waiting for. It's the day thirteen years in the making. Remember that day when you just wanted to be anywhere but that kindergarten room? That was thirteen years ago for us, and we are finally leaving the room (metaphorically, if you got lost there at all). The walls of the room are tumbling down, and we're finally seeing the world outside of that damn allegorical Cave.
Should I be feeling like something is...I don't know, different?
Nothing really feels all that...well, real. It's not surreal, per say, but it's more like I'm not actually sure what my emotions are. In a few days, in the post-grad party haze of the world, I probably won't be seeing about 3/4ths of my class anymore. The ones I do see will, for the most part (with some exceptions for, well, my friends) be awkward passings in the grocery store.
You know how when I started this thing, I talked about that being the first day of something? Well, if that was a start, well, this one should feel like a start too. It doesn't really. It feels like an end. Definitely an end.
Wherever you end up next year, Class of 2011, there's a good chance I'll be thinking about you at some point. I don't want to forget about a lot of you guys. This year changed me a lot, I think, and I don't want to forget the ones of you that caused that.
Good night, and good luck.
P.S. I believe there is need for a second post after I get through with the craziness that will be today. Stay tuned...maybe.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
First Joyful Death of 2011
Seeing as I haven't had a blog post in awhile, it seems fitting that this one be spurred on by some monumental event that is currently the topic of every single news channel around the country. Also, seeing as I seem to have some sort of a pathological inability to talk about something happy on this blog, I'm gonna make this one depressing to think about. There are a lot of sad things in the world today, and I think this one, what's going on right now, is approaching the top of my list.
Okay, maybe that came out a bit wrong. Let me back up a bit so that I don't sound like a complete and utter moron. Well, okay, foot in mouth, and let's move on. I think it's sad that death is something that can be happy.
Disclaimer moment: Bin Laden Death = Good thing. Not sad. Good. Say it with me: good not sad good not sad good not sad good not sad. Okay. That's out of the way now.
My point doesn't really have anything to do with Bin Laden. I mean, it does, if only because that made me think about it, but really it's about society in general. This is more of a reaction to a reaction than a reaction to the actual event (Think Chris Crocker, but hopefully with at least a little bit more sanity.)
I'm thinking less about the political and social ramifications of all of this and more about what has led up to this moment. I'm thinking about what there has to be so that an entire society can look at the death of an individual and cheer. I'm also cheering along with everyone else, and I think that's a little bit upsetting.
A friend of mine just pointed out on the facebook machine that every death is sad, and I kind of get the point there. As kids, our moral codes are pretty basic (y'know, assuming we aren't all sociopaths). Stealing = wrong. Killing = bad. Dissecting the neighbor's pet = frowned upon. Smiling at strangers = good. Being a meany = not good. Well, turns out the world isn't as simple as that, and I don't like it. I applaud you, facebook friend, for holding on to that belief, but I just don't have it anymore. I envy you.
Instead, I have the belief that sometimes to value life we have to kill, and I think I just figured that out a few seconds ago, and I also think that I don't like my own belief very much. It isn't something that's going to change, because it's only logical. Obviously the man has significantly diminished the worth of his own life (and by "significantly" I mean, "to-the-point-where-I-would-rather-die-of-cholera-than-save-his-life-ever"). But the fact that anyone can commit actions that would so degrade them in my eyes (I'm pretty accepting, right?) just points to how sad the world is.
Summary: the world sucks. I'll just go get over it now.
(P.S. - this happy death topic narrowly beat out my utter repulsion at the use of the phrase "sand monkey" on one of my friend's profiles, inspired by the Osama Bin Laden event. Normally I'd use that kind of an event to rant about the way people form their opinions, but I don't have time for that, and something a bit more depressing than that inspired me. But I just needed to point that out; racial slurs, of any sort, will not be tolerated in my presence.)
Okay, maybe that came out a bit wrong. Let me back up a bit so that I don't sound like a complete and utter moron. Well, okay, foot in mouth, and let's move on. I think it's sad that death is something that can be happy.
Disclaimer moment: Bin Laden Death = Good thing. Not sad. Good. Say it with me: good not sad good not sad good not sad good not sad. Okay. That's out of the way now.
My point doesn't really have anything to do with Bin Laden. I mean, it does, if only because that made me think about it, but really it's about society in general. This is more of a reaction to a reaction than a reaction to the actual event (Think Chris Crocker, but hopefully with at least a little bit more sanity.)
I'm thinking less about the political and social ramifications of all of this and more about what has led up to this moment. I'm thinking about what there has to be so that an entire society can look at the death of an individual and cheer. I'm also cheering along with everyone else, and I think that's a little bit upsetting.
A friend of mine just pointed out on the facebook machine that every death is sad, and I kind of get the point there. As kids, our moral codes are pretty basic (y'know, assuming we aren't all sociopaths). Stealing = wrong. Killing = bad. Dissecting the neighbor's pet = frowned upon. Smiling at strangers = good. Being a meany = not good. Well, turns out the world isn't as simple as that, and I don't like it. I applaud you, facebook friend, for holding on to that belief, but I just don't have it anymore. I envy you.
Instead, I have the belief that sometimes to value life we have to kill, and I think I just figured that out a few seconds ago, and I also think that I don't like my own belief very much. It isn't something that's going to change, because it's only logical. Obviously the man has significantly diminished the worth of his own life (and by "significantly" I mean, "to-the-point-where-I-would-rather-die-of-cholera-than-save-his-life-ever"). But the fact that anyone can commit actions that would so degrade them in my eyes (I'm pretty accepting, right?) just points to how sad the world is.
Summary: the world sucks. I'll just go get over it now.
(P.S. - this happy death topic narrowly beat out my utter repulsion at the use of the phrase "sand monkey" on one of my friend's profiles, inspired by the Osama Bin Laden event. Normally I'd use that kind of an event to rant about the way people form their opinions, but I don't have time for that, and something a bit more depressing than that inspired me. But I just needed to point that out; racial slurs, of any sort, will not be tolerated in my presence.)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
First Day of...Excitement?
I'm having a bit of trouble thinking. Normally I'd classify it as "writer's block" or something, but that doesn't quite feel right. I think this falls more under the "bored-to-tears" category of existence than the "blanking-mental-processes" category, so I hesitate to say that my synapses are closing themselves off, even if that very well may be the case.
It's weird, it's almost like...things are starting to come together (*synchronized gasp*). I'm almost through with the college choice making (Pitt!), I actually have a date to prom (social experiences!), and I don't have much to complain about (complacency!). It feels weird, seeing as I typically have used this blog to vent (with varying degrees of sarcasm) my deepest darkest surface scraping feelings. Well, turns out, my life doesn't suck. Bummer.
I think the weird part for me is that I really have only one more goal for high school (you know, other than, like, graduating) and I'm just failing at accomplishing it. Not failing in the "oh-my-god-it-depresses-me-that-I-can't-manage-to-pull-this-off" kind of fail, more like a "I'm-lazy" kind of fail.
But besides that, I'm starting to be looking forward to the possible end of the year. Things are looking up (you know, relatively) and I give my existence a hesitant "thumbs up" for now. Not quite at "two thumbs up" level, but I'm working on it.
I'm realizing right now that most/all of my blog posts have been extremely abstract. Almost none of them have any real details about my life, aside from the fact that I'm moderately pessimistic and deathly afraid of change (also, I HAVE A PROM DATE, but that's beside the point). So, here's a little nugget for you all:
Today, I started mentally making a tally of the people that I have to make sure I keep in touch with in the future, and discovered just how long that list is. I realize that the list is impossible (there are, like, at least 20 people on it), but I have high hopes. At least, I think, I'm starting to figure out who's important out there in the sea of hormones and acne. About two weeks ago, I probably would have seen that list and thrown it out, knowing the only chance I'd have at EVER keeping up with it would be if I cloned myself, but now I'm thinking:
if I can keep one of these people as my friend, I'm doing all right.
Does that sound excited? I think that's excited. But I'm having trouble distinguishing excited from middlingly boring.
It's weird, it's almost like...things are starting to come together (*synchronized gasp*). I'm almost through with the college choice making (Pitt!), I actually have a date to prom (social experiences!), and I don't have much to complain about (complacency!). It feels weird, seeing as I typically have used this blog to vent (with varying degrees of sarcasm) my deepest darkest surface scraping feelings. Well, turns out, my life doesn't suck. Bummer.
I think the weird part for me is that I really have only one more goal for high school (you know, other than, like, graduating) and I'm just failing at accomplishing it. Not failing in the "oh-my-god-it-depresses-me-that-I-can't-manage-to-pull-this-off" kind of fail, more like a "I'm-lazy" kind of fail.
But besides that, I'm starting to be looking forward to the possible end of the year. Things are looking up (you know, relatively) and I give my existence a hesitant "thumbs up" for now. Not quite at "two thumbs up" level, but I'm working on it.
I'm realizing right now that most/all of my blog posts have been extremely abstract. Almost none of them have any real details about my life, aside from the fact that I'm moderately pessimistic and deathly afraid of change (also, I HAVE A PROM DATE, but that's beside the point). So, here's a little nugget for you all:
Today, I started mentally making a tally of the people that I have to make sure I keep in touch with in the future, and discovered just how long that list is. I realize that the list is impossible (there are, like, at least 20 people on it), but I have high hopes. At least, I think, I'm starting to figure out who's important out there in the sea of hormones and acne. About two weeks ago, I probably would have seen that list and thrown it out, knowing the only chance I'd have at EVER keeping up with it would be if I cloned myself, but now I'm thinking:
if I can keep one of these people as my friend, I'm doing all right.
Does that sound excited? I think that's excited. But I'm having trouble distinguishing excited from middlingly boring.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
First Wish of Debilitating Illness
Dear Universe,
(Sidenote: you can tell that this is going to be an especially good blog post, due to the fact that I have directly addressed the entirety of everything, which is unbeatable by any bloggy standards)
I have a bone to pick with you, universe. You have royally pissed me off. For those who know me, that's a very difficult thing to do. You can tick me off, you can make me frustrated, you can annoy me until I threaten to break your fingers and/or hand (you know who you are), but you cannot piss me off. And yet, somehow, universe, you have done it. Screw you.
Today I realized that there is a very slim chance that I will ever see one of my friends again after I leave Flagstaff for the unfathomable wilderness that is Pittsburgh (it's a concrete jungle, except it isn't as jungle-y as New York or Chicago). By "ever see", I don't mean "see you next Christmas break!" or "maybe I'll accidentally run into you at Safeway and we'll talk for about five minutes!". I mean, completely, NEVER SEE AGAIN. She no longer has family in Flagstaff, and unless I was going to U of A (where she is attending, and where, up until about 36 hours ago, I was pretty sure I was attending as well), our paths would probably never cross. That means, counting today, I have approximately 52 days (including weekends) of which I will see her. We could make plans over the summer, but honestly that's so up in the air that it would be impossible to guess how much time would be spent with any one person, not even mentioning any summer trips/jobs I would be partaking in.
So, here's the sucky truth: this is all your fault, universe. You have added yet one more thing onto my list of things that I am not okay with having changed. "The future's so bright" my ass.
I've decided, for your convenience Mr. 42, to provide you with a list of ways that you could make this better.
1.) Fix it (I don't know how, but I figure it wouldn't hurt to leave it open for interpretation. You are all knowing, after all).
2.) Through freak accident, my friend is suddenly struck down by a painful and debilitating illness, which will, of course, result in her being transferred to the Pittsburgh Medical Center across the country, as they have the most innovative (bear with me) treatments, at which point I would be at her bedside and we could talk about, among other things, the sucky weather of Pittsburgh (not that I wish such a painful thing upon her, but this scenario would solve my problem).
3.) Fix it (yeah, I know. I wanted a longer list. Sue me.)
4.) Constantly give me cosmic reminders to keep in contact with my friend, because I suck at that. This could be in the form of (but not limited to): lightning bolts from the heavens (or other assorted smite-ings), her name floating up to the surface of my bowl of alphabet soup, having my life saved by several blondes who then proceed to worry about my feelings (this may seem only loosely connected, but I really prefer this sign-from-above over the others), and/or a crazy roommate the forces me to spend unnaturally long amounts of time "checking my email" rather than socializing with him.
5.) Through a strange coincidence, have us cross paths in the future. This could be on vacation or in one of our hometowns (you could even have us move to the same town unknowingly), but it should be a place where we could meet and talk for a significant amount of time.
I hope I have been clear with you, universe. I wouldn't want to be forced to get mean. And oh, I can get mean. Don't test me.
You're friend and forever your undying servant (unless you, y'know, piss me off again),
RJ
(P.S.: Sorry for wishing debilitating illness on you, friend).
(Sidenote: you can tell that this is going to be an especially good blog post, due to the fact that I have directly addressed the entirety of everything, which is unbeatable by any bloggy standards)
I have a bone to pick with you, universe. You have royally pissed me off. For those who know me, that's a very difficult thing to do. You can tick me off, you can make me frustrated, you can annoy me until I threaten to break your fingers and/or hand (you know who you are), but you cannot piss me off. And yet, somehow, universe, you have done it. Screw you.
Today I realized that there is a very slim chance that I will ever see one of my friends again after I leave Flagstaff for the unfathomable wilderness that is Pittsburgh (it's a concrete jungle, except it isn't as jungle-y as New York or Chicago). By "ever see", I don't mean "see you next Christmas break!" or "maybe I'll accidentally run into you at Safeway and we'll talk for about five minutes!". I mean, completely, NEVER SEE AGAIN. She no longer has family in Flagstaff, and unless I was going to U of A (where she is attending, and where, up until about 36 hours ago, I was pretty sure I was attending as well), our paths would probably never cross. That means, counting today, I have approximately 52 days (including weekends) of which I will see her. We could make plans over the summer, but honestly that's so up in the air that it would be impossible to guess how much time would be spent with any one person, not even mentioning any summer trips/jobs I would be partaking in.
So, here's the sucky truth: this is all your fault, universe. You have added yet one more thing onto my list of things that I am not okay with having changed. "The future's so bright" my ass.
I've decided, for your convenience Mr. 42, to provide you with a list of ways that you could make this better.
1.) Fix it (I don't know how, but I figure it wouldn't hurt to leave it open for interpretation. You are all knowing, after all).
2.) Through freak accident, my friend is suddenly struck down by a painful and debilitating illness, which will, of course, result in her being transferred to the Pittsburgh Medical Center across the country, as they have the most innovative (bear with me) treatments, at which point I would be at her bedside and we could talk about, among other things, the sucky weather of Pittsburgh (not that I wish such a painful thing upon her, but this scenario would solve my problem).
3.) Fix it (yeah, I know. I wanted a longer list. Sue me.)
4.) Constantly give me cosmic reminders to keep in contact with my friend, because I suck at that. This could be in the form of (but not limited to): lightning bolts from the heavens (or other assorted smite-ings), her name floating up to the surface of my bowl of alphabet soup, having my life saved by several blondes who then proceed to worry about my feelings (this may seem only loosely connected, but I really prefer this sign-from-above over the others), and/or a crazy roommate the forces me to spend unnaturally long amounts of time "checking my email" rather than socializing with him.
5.) Through a strange coincidence, have us cross paths in the future. This could be on vacation or in one of our hometowns (you could even have us move to the same town unknowingly), but it should be a place where we could meet and talk for a significant amount of time.
I hope I have been clear with you, universe. I wouldn't want to be forced to get mean. And oh, I can get mean. Don't test me.
You're friend and forever your undying servant (unless you, y'know, piss me off again),
RJ
(P.S.: Sorry for wishing debilitating illness on you, friend).
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
First Day of Decisions
So, yeah, life decisions and such. Bummer.
Apparently there's this thing going around, where we have to decide our futures and stuff. Now that I'm all adult-y I'm expected to be some sort of decisive responsible...adult. Yeah. Not so excited about that one.
Seems to be a lot of things that need to be decided piling up, like college, and college, and maybe college. Also, prom, but that's, like, deja vu or something (didn't I just post about that?). Instinctively I desire to sit on this couch forever and ever and ever. I've heard there's some sort of a job as a couch potato. People get paid to watch TV and give their opinions so that the big Hollywood guys can brainwash us. I think that would be fun.
I just don't have much motivation right now. Except for the whole "graduating from high school" thing (no, I do not know why I just put that in quotes) I'm having trouble looking forward to anything. Prom's coming up--update: still dateless--and then it'll be spring and then summer--update: still no plans--and then I'll be off to who knows where doing who knows what. Except, well, I'll be writing. But new ideas are hard to come by these days; I chose a depressing future profession.
The point is, I'm going to have to start figuring stuff out soon, like, by next week. I have to start accepting some things, and informing people about some things, and interacting with people about some things, and...well, that all makes my stomach start to twist itself up, kinda like how a swing set does when you spin it around and let the chains mix together. I feel like I've gotten too comfortable, and now that I'm hitting the point where comfortable isn't going to be allowed for, like, 10 years, I'm not so much okay with it. Guess it'll just take some getting used to.
Apparently there's this thing going around, where we have to decide our futures and stuff. Now that I'm all adult-y I'm expected to be some sort of decisive responsible...adult. Yeah. Not so excited about that one.
Seems to be a lot of things that need to be decided piling up, like college, and college, and maybe college. Also, prom, but that's, like, deja vu or something (didn't I just post about that?). Instinctively I desire to sit on this couch forever and ever and ever. I've heard there's some sort of a job as a couch potato. People get paid to watch TV and give their opinions so that the big Hollywood guys can brainwash us. I think that would be fun.
I just don't have much motivation right now. Except for the whole "graduating from high school" thing (no, I do not know why I just put that in quotes) I'm having trouble looking forward to anything. Prom's coming up--update: still dateless--and then it'll be spring and then summer--update: still no plans--and then I'll be off to who knows where doing who knows what. Except, well, I'll be writing. But new ideas are hard to come by these days; I chose a depressing future profession.
The point is, I'm going to have to start figuring stuff out soon, like, by next week. I have to start accepting some things, and informing people about some things, and interacting with people about some things, and...well, that all makes my stomach start to twist itself up, kinda like how a swing set does when you spin it around and let the chains mix together. I feel like I've gotten too comfortable, and now that I'm hitting the point where comfortable isn't going to be allowed for, like, 10 years, I'm not so much okay with it. Guess it'll just take some getting used to.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
First Circle of Hell
I have officially decided that the Eighth Circle of Hell, reserved for the atheists and baby-killers, is one endless cycle of customer service. It may not surprise you, after hearing this information, that my college trip is not going/has not gone well. That would be, in no small part, due to the lovely customer service representatives at your friendly neighborhood online travel brokers. (Well, not friendly, and definitely not neighborhood).
I can sum this up easiest by saying that somehow, in the past 24 hours, I have been to Texas. "Why were you in Texas?" one who knows me might ask. "I thought you were going on a college trip to Boulder! YOU LIED TO US!" Well, calm down, my friends, and allow me to explain.
It all began from a stupid decision to attempt to fly from Flagstaff to Phoenix. The flight, understandably (because we're Flagstaff, and we just roll that way) was over an hour late in its departure. I missed my connection by about ten minutes. For the purposes of this discussion, we shall be defining the Flagstaff Airport as the First Circle of Hell. Kind of purgatory-ish, and you don't really suffer there, it's just the crippling boredom that slowly strips away your soul.
After a bumpy plane flight (the stupid thing was tiny), we arrived in our Second Circle: The Phoenix International Airport. To be fair, the only really negative thing about the airport itself was that nobody wanted to be there. Seriously, I saw a big fat ZERO people smiling while I was there (except for some of the people working there, and that was slightly unnerving). Their unfortunate joyless faces were probably a result of wherever they had been previous to their arrival in the Second Circle (consider Circle 1.5: the parking lot; but that's a different story).
And then, somehow, we jumped all the way to the Eighth Circle (sorry, Dante, not goin' in order here). For the next two hours my mother and I attempted to haggle with customer service representatives from Priceline, U.S. Airways (who actually did a pretty good job once we were there in person), Payless Car Rental (in retrospect, this was probably not the best idea), Continental Airlines, and the Millenium Hotel in Boulder, Colorado. The Priceline representatives did not speak English (that was fun), the Payless representatives forced us to pay for a completely new reservation even though we had already paid the last one, the Millenium Hotel screwed up our reservation (when we finally arrived, we didn't have a room), and Continental Airlines had a never ending cycle of an automated voice asking me questions and not understanding my answer.
We made our way through a few more circles (I'd put the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport at around the Fifth Circle, maybe Sixth), but it was that customer service that ruined my weekend. It was my own fault; I had absentmindedly said that my Friday had been amazing. Little did he know...
So, here's how it's going to work:
First, you'll have a phone line. It's automated, so maybe you'll think you can beat the machine. Your goal: to escape from Hell. You will be told, by the devil herself, that if you can convince the decisions committee that you do not belong in Hell, you can leave. So you pick up the phone, and you begin your trip through endless automation.
It will ask you such gems as "please state your purpose" and when you do, it will direct you towards the Torturer's Department, which has nothing to do with what you have just said. It will put you on hold for around a day, and when the Associate Torturer's Assistant finally tells you (in a language vaguely representing English, or whatever your native tongue is) that your claim is not in his department, before you can ask for help he will redirect you back into the machine.
This will continue for the rest of your existence. Sometimes, you may actually make it to the Claims Department, but it will be after hours, and they will refer you to a representative in the Acquisitions Department, which is not authorized to release you, and you will be forced to start all over again.
But don't forget the hold music. I am convinced that the hold music in Hell is Justin Bieber singing the chorus (not the rest of the song) of Baby, over and over and over again. And you will be forced to listen, because if you pull the phone away from your ear, the Claims Department representative will finally come on the phone for two seconds before assuming you are not there and hanging up on you, at which point you will start again.
Now, here's the kicker: after about two years of this, without eating, sleeping, breathing, etc. (all the normal things that living people do), you will realize that you cannot beat the machine. You can come close--that Claims Department is right at your fingertips--but you will never, ever leave. But there will be the vain hope in you that you can beat the machine, and you will continue, crying, clawing your ears out some days only to get through and not be able to hear the representative, so you are dropped once again. You will try and try, but you will always fail.
Yep, Customer Services: the modern myth of Sisyphus.
I can sum this up easiest by saying that somehow, in the past 24 hours, I have been to Texas. "Why were you in Texas?" one who knows me might ask. "I thought you were going on a college trip to Boulder! YOU LIED TO US!" Well, calm down, my friends, and allow me to explain.
It all began from a stupid decision to attempt to fly from Flagstaff to Phoenix. The flight, understandably (because we're Flagstaff, and we just roll that way) was over an hour late in its departure. I missed my connection by about ten minutes. For the purposes of this discussion, we shall be defining the Flagstaff Airport as the First Circle of Hell. Kind of purgatory-ish, and you don't really suffer there, it's just the crippling boredom that slowly strips away your soul.
After a bumpy plane flight (the stupid thing was tiny), we arrived in our Second Circle: The Phoenix International Airport. To be fair, the only really negative thing about the airport itself was that nobody wanted to be there. Seriously, I saw a big fat ZERO people smiling while I was there (except for some of the people working there, and that was slightly unnerving). Their unfortunate joyless faces were probably a result of wherever they had been previous to their arrival in the Second Circle (consider Circle 1.5: the parking lot; but that's a different story).
And then, somehow, we jumped all the way to the Eighth Circle (sorry, Dante, not goin' in order here). For the next two hours my mother and I attempted to haggle with customer service representatives from Priceline, U.S. Airways (who actually did a pretty good job once we were there in person), Payless Car Rental (in retrospect, this was probably not the best idea), Continental Airlines, and the Millenium Hotel in Boulder, Colorado. The Priceline representatives did not speak English (that was fun), the Payless representatives forced us to pay for a completely new reservation even though we had already paid the last one, the Millenium Hotel screwed up our reservation (when we finally arrived, we didn't have a room), and Continental Airlines had a never ending cycle of an automated voice asking me questions and not understanding my answer.
We made our way through a few more circles (I'd put the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport at around the Fifth Circle, maybe Sixth), but it was that customer service that ruined my weekend. It was my own fault; I had absentmindedly said that my Friday had been amazing. Little did he know...
So, here's how it's going to work:
First, you'll have a phone line. It's automated, so maybe you'll think you can beat the machine. Your goal: to escape from Hell. You will be told, by the devil herself, that if you can convince the decisions committee that you do not belong in Hell, you can leave. So you pick up the phone, and you begin your trip through endless automation.
It will ask you such gems as "please state your purpose" and when you do, it will direct you towards the Torturer's Department, which has nothing to do with what you have just said. It will put you on hold for around a day, and when the Associate Torturer's Assistant finally tells you (in a language vaguely representing English, or whatever your native tongue is) that your claim is not in his department, before you can ask for help he will redirect you back into the machine.
This will continue for the rest of your existence. Sometimes, you may actually make it to the Claims Department, but it will be after hours, and they will refer you to a representative in the Acquisitions Department, which is not authorized to release you, and you will be forced to start all over again.
But don't forget the hold music. I am convinced that the hold music in Hell is Justin Bieber singing the chorus (not the rest of the song) of Baby, over and over and over again. And you will be forced to listen, because if you pull the phone away from your ear, the Claims Department representative will finally come on the phone for two seconds before assuming you are not there and hanging up on you, at which point you will start again.
Now, here's the kicker: after about two years of this, without eating, sleeping, breathing, etc. (all the normal things that living people do), you will realize that you cannot beat the machine. You can come close--that Claims Department is right at your fingertips--but you will never, ever leave. But there will be the vain hope in you that you can beat the machine, and you will continue, crying, clawing your ears out some days only to get through and not be able to hear the representative, so you are dropped once again. You will try and try, but you will always fail.
Yep, Customer Services: the modern myth of Sisyphus.
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